The end comes a new beginnig

What a week it has been!(or rather, what a month =X) Just finished my concert, Sinfonia 2007 2 days ago. It was a very very great experience to me and also fun to be a cellist for the orchestra.

However it also happens to be one of the saddest performances too.

Our resident conductor that we call "Lao Shi" is retiring and the performance is also his last time conducting us.

Believe me. The times I had with this old man was crazy during the previous years were kinda crazy. It even came to a point where i seriously disliked him. But something did come out of those crazy days. (Crazy due to the fact that I am always the target of his scoldings and shouts). I improved A LOT. I layed A LOT better within a year and I also could keep up with the winds and catch up to them. It was all thanks to this guy too.

He also taught me how to appreciate and make music too. I couldn't understand at first but now I finally do. He has own style and It's no wonder that the band loves him so much.

We played a songs dedicated to him and well... it was a very tearful song for all of us. I can safely say each of us were moved as each remembered our times with him. Even he cried as he listened. Subsequently, everyone of us started tearing too. Even I cried even though I wasn't close to him. I cannot imagine what the band people are going through. I think I cried the most out of the strings section =x(Maybe I got scolded the most and was under him the longest among the rest)

I will always remember him and this particular performance. Although I may not understand why he put so many winds in the orchestra, but I definitely could understand his music. I am honoured to have been taught by him.

The performance was probably not the best. But it was defnitely fun and memorable.

Vulgarities

Note: If you have anything against the work F*CK or any crude or impolite words you might not want to read this post.

Okie.... By giving to note on top I do not imply that I am gonna be swearing or cursing anyone that I know or you know of... I am just gonna write my thoughts on something that we personally know and are very familiar about.

VULGARITIES!!!!!!

Bwhahahahaha... alright let's look at the word that we are VERY familiar about.

The work fuck. Oh I know what you're thinking. But for those who don't what this means lemme give a simple definition from dictionary.com

Fuck

1.	to have sexual intercourse with.

2.	Slang. to treat unfairly or harshly.

–verb (used without object)

3.	to have sexual intercourse.

4.	Slang. to meddle (usually fol. by around or with).

–interjection

5.	Slang. (used to express anger, disgust, peremptory rejection, etc., often fol. by a pronoun, as you or it.)

–noun

6.	an act of sexual intercourse.

7.	a partner in sexual intercourse.

8.	Slang. a person, esp. one who is annoying or contemptible.

9.	the fuck, Slang. (used as an intensifier, esp. with WH-questions, to express annoyance, impatience, etc.)

—Verb phrases

10.	fuck around, Slang. a. to behave in a frivolous or meddlesome way. b. to engage in promiscuous sex.

11.	fuck off, Slang. a. to shirk one's duty; malinger. b. go away: used as an exclamation of impatience. c. to waste time.

12.	fuck up, Slang. a. to bungle or botch; ruin. b. to act stupidly or carelessly; cause trouble; mess up.

—Idiom

13.	give a fuck, Slang. to care; be concerned.

As you can see... out of 13 definitions, 10 of them are slangs. Slangs are an informal usage of a word. For this case the word fuck. The word "fuck" only means to have sexual intercourse with a partner or whatsoever. By some reason we hear this word being used in all sorts of forms possible!

This vid is 18+(it's not porn don't worry, rated for crude language)


Using Proper English - Awesome video clips here

ah yes.... such "beautiful" usage of the word "fuck". When the meaning of the word only has sexual inclinations.

What I wanna show here is this. The word "fuck" is not vulgar. It is only that way because we made it that way. It could actually be any word that could take the place of the word "fuck". It could just be the word that you actually subsititute the word "fuck" with( frig you , screw you, sugar you <-- I have a friend that uses this).

With this I am NOT encouraging you to say "fuck" like nobody's business. NO! alright? Don't go around say "fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck" and then when your papa mama ask you why like this say the kor kor from this site tell me the word "fuck" not a bad word. IT IS A BAD WORD but only when used INCORRECTLY(Okie fine this could only just be my opinion). It is wrong when you express it meaninglessly.

I wanna include that when people say "fuck you" to you. Be polite and say" I know I am very attractive that you wanna have sexual relations with me but I am sorry I am not interested". Even more lagi best is when a person of the same gender say that to you "I am not a homosexual". In other words, there're just making themselves look dumb, no need to feel offended at all. You don't even need to fight back, they just commited suicide.

But there is nothing wrong when when you had sex with your spouse(or whatever it is but I don't wanna know) and you say "I fucked her/him last night". Of course I don't see how you can get a chance say that but I can imagine a few unlikely situations. Sure you can get away with sentences like "i had sexual intercourse with her" or "I had sex with her" but the word fuck is one word.(And I don't see this word being justified and a taboo just because it is not used correctly). I just wanna say this not a bad word. It's just a misunderstood word.

Oh but I am not done yet. You remember I mentioned people substitute the word "fuck" with other words (yes yes I mentioned the word "sugar" in it). Now I don't see why people don't get offended when people do that because they're using it THE SAME WAY as they used the word "fuck". When people sae "*insert word here* you" the same way as "fuck you". IT IS EQUAL TO THE PERSON SAYING "FUCK YOU". Same goes for the other usages like "fucking rich" or "what the fuck". because what other word being added in there is not gonna make the word any logical or nicer other than the actual words. So yes, substituition of words doesn't help at all, It still means, "you need much improvement"

Now I wanna give a BIIIIIG mystery here. Now. I am pretty sure some of you readers actually kena the "go to hell" line before. Now, why oh why oh why is a lot of people more offended at the "fuck you" when it makes no sense when the "go to hell" line makes more sense because hell exists!?!?!?!

Not a big deal? Okie picture this, the most painful place with lots and lots of suffering multiply by infite. You stay in that place forever. Get the idea?. When "fuck you" is just "I wanna have sex with you" which really isn't much of a big threat if you know what I mean.

So yes with this I do hope to clear the word" fuck" (or any misunderstood word) of any charges of "vulgarity" I rest my case.

I have a feeling the I am sooooo gonna be in deep trouble for this post. I think I am gonna regret it lol. oh well >.<

Mo0n^Ey3s signing off

The Misunderstandings I cause

I am such a horrible blogger... why? cause I do not give the loving this blog needs for approx two months!!!(And how I show my loving? writing rubbish on the blog =) )

You may not know it but everything around me makes me think of you. Heck even my main line of work and entertainment is pretty much what you do too. I worry and rejoice at the same time. Such a confusing mixture of feelings that I go through through my time with you.

Nothing has really changed though. Still I yearn for your eyes to be plastered upon me. still i yearn for your mind to always have a room for me. Still I yearn for the touch of your hand against mine. Still I yearn for the embrace that we can never get tired of. And still, last but not the least, I hunger for the kiss that we always share while no ones looking.

But yet again lots change storm around us. With us in the center of everything, but yet we too make everything our center.

Sometimes I wonder what do women think when I try to speak to them. By this I definitely do not refer to my physical appearance (I pretty much can guess it actually *jiggles my fats*). I refer what kind of a person do you think I am. Am I a flirt? Am I a rude person etc etc... Many of my friends went clean and told me that I look like some kind of casanova (an UNSUCCESSFUL casanova i should add). Some said that I look like the sort that can score As for every single test). Some even say that I am probably one of the holiest saints they could ever meet (Which just so isn't true >.<). Through it all it started to make me worry a lot(especially about the casanova thing) whenever I try to speak with women be they young or old. When I just want to just talk to them. But no matter how careful I am... there will always be misunderstandings and confusions that I am unfortunately and inevitable the culprit of. I dun wanna say much on the details so if you're curious ya noe wad to do :P

Sinfonia is coming again!!!! (for those who don't know it's just this NYP Symphony Orchestra concert) it's just one month to go.... (and somehow I feel that I have just made one of my biggest mistakes) hope my section can get it together even though there will be many changes. This will be my last performance >.< hope I don't screw it up....

ps: To my one and only, If you're reading this I just wanna tell you how how how how how grateful I am for bringing such joy into my life. There is much I wanna say but I dun wanna make this blog to mushy wushy so I'll just tell u in person :P

MoOn^Ey3s signing off

Year 2012 == End of the World?!?!?!

Last night I watched a documentary that was downloaded by one of my room mates. The general summary of the documentary is that the world will end at 23rd December 2012. Sources vary(From the mayan calendar to biblical intepretations to mathematical equations). Usually I would dismiss it all thinking that there are still many years for me to come.

But the thing is... I can't

Fact 1 - Nation is rising against nation.

Fact 2 - Natural disasters seems to be running amock everywhere and more frequently

Fact 3 - diseases and epidemics new and old are on the rise

Fact 4 - the whole world is getting crazier and crazier by every second you read this.(Homosexuals being accepted, all sorts of drugs coming out etc etc)

call me crazy but I really do think that we are living in the end times and that the whole world would definitely have to experience big change.I have already expected to actually see for myself the end of te world while I am still living. I just didn't expect it to see it for myself too soon.

It is times like these that I wonder whether am I prepared for it. Whether i have prepared myself for Christ's second coming. Whether I have born any good fruit. And I painfully have to say that I feel that I am not ready.

I am afraid. Not of death. But of the unknown that may come. Afraid also for my family and friend that are not saved.

It may be a false prophecy, but that day will definitely come.

Where us humans will have to face the fury of God himself.

I pray for forgiveness and mercy.

The ten "intelligent" question that a christian should answer

Hello! finally updated this blog after like 1 1/2 months =\ but I am gonna keep this entry short cuz I am kinda supposed to be working here

this video is actually meant for my brothers and sisters in christ. I thought it quite interesting and that I should show it to you guys. Even if you're not christian, feel free to watch it. I can't have control of your mouse right? =)

note: This has not destroyed my faith in God in anyway or has it made me not want to go to church for I believe that God speaks louder than the ramblings of the atheist responsible for this video. This video is also not meant to destroy and existing faith you have nor is it to discourage or mock christianity. In fact it is to give a different viewpoint on it.



What do you guys think?

Anyways I am coming back to SG SOONNN!!!! FINALLY!!!! YAHOO!!!!!!

Emo-Therapy

Pardon me my dear Readers... It has been long :P

The feelings I feel. The smiles that stretches my lips. The tears that falls inevitably down to the ground. The eye brows that I stressed. The very thoughts make them this way. The very memrories shall never leave me.

They never leave for I will do them justice. They will never leave for I love them. They will never leave for it is they that made me into the man I am today. I will definitely never forget the people who gave me those memories be it good or bad. I shall honour them. And may I keep my word in this.

You have made my day a sunny day everytime you smile. A rainy day everyday you frown. you affect me to the point that I may have already become a part of you. It scares me sometimes for I have always been alone and never trusting. It scares because I am afraid that I may affect you badly too.

Yes you have become part of me. And yes I am afraid. Not afraid that you may reject me. Not afraid that you may shout at me. Not afraid of being hated. But What I am afraid is to have done something to have caused any of those things. To have done something to hurt or offend you. I believe myself to be a very cowardous man before or after. I just pray you will be happy.

Fear is something we have to fight and challenge every single day. I fought countless battles against this enemy called fear. I only fear that I battle it too often and not pay attention to the other more important things in life. I just have too many insecurities >.< . I find myself very very foolish sometimes. Ergh On the brighter note i just went to E-mei Shan!!!!(e-mei mountain). AND GUESS WHAT? The first big revelation about the mountain? I only saw ONE nun. The rest were all Monks. Not that I have a problem with monks. Or my hormones wanting the nuns(Hey... I got a better girl to look at everyday :P). It's just that... I always thought that mountain was supposed to be something like a nun mountain or something. Oh wells I can't complain much about it. It's really pretty cool up there(and I do mean it quite literally) the natural scenery and monuments are realli quite breath-taking =).









Pardon my skills in photograpy >.<

Of course! WHen you go to E-Mei you have to go to visit them temples!(and sadly with no nuns). I decided to give respect to their religion and not take pics and such of their temples and whatnot =)(BUT on the other hand I really thought it quite wrong that they sell entry tix for the temples =\... I mean incnse and joss sticks are fine la but this?>.<) HOWEVER!!!!! NOTHING! AND I SAY NOTHING!!! can stop me from taking the pictures of the

RESIDENT MONK~



KEY!!!!

Hey hey hey... They are quite dangerous okie! Rumoured that they killed someone b4 you know!(But that is like the rare case la =) )



I feel that there are times when I worry too much. Too much sensitivity is just scary... Maybe it's just mood swings. =\

ps: I might not be posting much on the tag board as the network here seems to block me sometimes.

Life in Chengdu

How is it that I am blessed with you? When i have done so many wicked and horrible things in my life? Why did God give me such a blessing? I could never know the plans of his. I just wanna thank him and thank you for being with me. May it be this way till the next dawn and ever after for it has been and still is good.

How long has it been? 3 weeks? since I have left Singapore for Chengdu. I am still fine as always(Actually more than fine =) ). From the descriptions my friends here gave me about the place. I thought I would suffer quite ab it (mainly because of the food) but it turns out that it isn't so bad after all (I have after lived in worse conditions before).

Honestly when my friends all said that they have changed a lot in this trip, I am beginning to wonder what has changed for me too. I begin to think about how life would be like when I go back to Singapore. One things for sure I won't be hanging up with my usual clique in school anymore (Mainly due to the different electives and schedule that we are getting) Whether or not I will be lonely for school or not will be mystery. One thing's for sure... my cello is waiting for me in school (and the rantings of my conductor and teacher-in-charge) -.-!. I believe I've got much to catch up after not playing for so long. Hope the section still needs me >_<

My weekends might need a bit of an adjustment as well due to some commitments( Don't worry brothers, I am not skipping church) We'll just have to see how it goes.

Computer games don't carry that much appeal to me anymore. This I finally realised. I used to hold them in great regard during my early teens. Was able to play like 10 hours straight without eating or anything. Not to mention I always needed to buy new games and upgrade my hardware to match them. Now it just don't to have that much fun anymore. Hehz. Maybe it's the "distractions" here :P. But oh well I AM GLAD. Games don't control my life anymore( Though I am still available for a game DOTA and CS :P )

I miss my music.... a lot... I miss my guitar... :'(. It really angers me sometimes as It's here where I found an inspiration to actually write a song and my guitar IS NOT AVAILABLE. ARRGGGHHH. I miss my friends in sg tooo. I definitely miss my late nights crapping and laming with them.

2 more months...(well, approximately) I wanna go back but yet I don't.

Mo0nxEy3S signing off

ps:Oh yea... to those who were wondering whether or not I am attached.... I am right now =)
To a great girl name Fong Yee =))))))

feelings for her

You know what sucks? I have totally no idea what to do with you. I am so so so so so lost at this. I don't dare make any change. I am just a coward. I wish there would be just two of us alone but that just ain't happening at all. I do something I might get hurt you might get hurt everyone might get affected. I don't do anything It is pretty much confirmed only I get hurt. How much is the damage? I got no idea. I wish I knew what to do. An expert in this would make great money I would say as I am pretty sure lots don't know what to do at this situation. I thought I could handle this frustration but it turns out I am at my wits end. It's time ike this when I actually start to ask myself why do I keep getting myself into these entanglement and not be able to help myself up when I could actually help others? I don't know now. Maybe you're just that special person who could actually take me. But I am just to scared of that broken glass of the past. I guess I'll just have to take it all in for the time being. That's what I have done for the month. No harm doing it for the next few.

Then again... If it were just a crush... I WILL BE SO )#$)*)@#($*#@$@ PISSED BECAUSE I AM ACTUALLY BEING EMO FOR ONCE

So please please keep my sanity till then.

maybe there's no sanity in the first place

End of FIrst week in Chengdu!! =)

Hello Hello Hello everyone!!!!! If I were still in Singapore I should be in church now =(. Along the way I don't seem to find any churches that I could go to. Even if so, I don't think that my friends would even want to accompany me to church( They would need to wake up quite early to do so). I'll just have to see how it goes then =)

I see you, I don't really know whether you really see me. If you do, I am afraid of my inability be a good image for you. Such inconfidence in myself is really frustrating to me. I hate my inconfidence in this matter. I hate my hate for the inconfidence i have. You 've treated me all too well. I really could not ask for more. I am afraid I could not give you anything if you'd ask for any.

Chengdu is really one heck of a magnificent city. Sure it is not clean as Singapore. The traffic is like Indonesia. Conmen are commonplace. But it is still magnificent. Thank God for this chance for me to see more things and actually learn how others live.

I realised that China is actually starting to block off blogger. I cannot go to my blog normally anymore =(. I could only go by "illegal" means. For what reason they blocked blogger? I have not $(#&*( idea.

I think I am just going to write it to here for now, nothing much to talk about =\.

MoonxEy3s signing off

Secrets of my Heart

I've got no idea what to do now. We may be close. But int the sense we may think it be. Are we still figments of our own imaginations? or has evolved into something of greater importance. I believe myself to be even more more emotional now.Are you thinking of me? Are you dreaming of me? I am at a lost. When God said man is weak. I agree. We are so weak that we need constant direction to point us. To point us to the right direction. Be it pleasant or unpleasant. I could only sit and wait.It really seems impossible. so far yet so near. so near yet so far.

As sad as it may seem. I can choose to trust the lord to help in times of trouble such as this. To save me from digging my grave even when I am conscious of it. To comfort me when all things are in deep $@&*^$*&@. I am glad for him to be in my life.

I am also glad for her. That she also gives me comfort too. For the Lord to put her in my life, I am grateful. Even though It may seems that it is impossible for us to be together. I just want her to be happy with whoever he is =). I don't know what kind of emotion I would give if I knew who he is. I hope I will not hate him but love him in turn. I pray and pray and pray very hard for this.

Life in CHengdu so far is pretty cool. Somehow I managed to withstand the spicy foods and all that.The mouth can tahan but I have seriously no idea whether the rest of the body can tahan or not. Especially my digestive system.

Money wise shouldn't be a problem. Everything is relatively cheaper and of much larger proportions. So much so tat I could not finish most of the food given to me >_<

work wise haven start anything yet =\ just got to know soe of the people here in the company. Hopefully can work well with them despite the language barrier >_<

M0onXEy3s signing off!

Scary scary internet

Oh Thank God for Internet Explorer... If there's anything that sucked about Opera (Which is my default browser) It is that I can't seem to write non-chinese in blogger using Opera AAARRRGGGHHHH

Oh yea when you use your internet in China. EVERYTHING is in chinese >_<

Alrighty for those who have no idea what's going on right now I am currently and offically in CHina!!!! WOO HOO!!!!

But honestly there's still quite a lot of things to do here and most of all I need to blend in as one of the PRCs here. I hope that I do not compromise my morals and beliefs doing so =\ THis place is really really cool!!!! Really reminds me about the suburbs in Japan. Main difference? The cars go on pavements, a lot of things are termed differently here, foods are spicy(I am so glad I have indonesian blood in me). There are lots of things to learn. I just have to trust God and friends to lead me theough this period of time. Be it good or bad. God be with me =)

Thank God for the .net people that are already here! So so glad that they came here and not us. Must really thank them for actually being nice to help us around CHengdu =). I bet it would be quite havoc if we were the ones who come here. Wish there is something I could do for them as well.... Only time can tell.

Honestly I am just afraid. I am afraid of too many things. I can call myself the greatest cowrd on earth. No one can beat me. What am I afraid of? I am afraid of talking to a girl. I just wanna know her better and if possible be good friends with her but you know what? I get so scared of what happens around me if I actually do that. They say it's a blessing for one to think ahead. But I say that with this there is a curse for the things you want looks as if it will not happen. I am scared I am scared I am scared.

Changes

I sense lots of changes in me lately(mostly about me being high) maybe God has answered my prayers. I'll be sure to thank him... but still this may have well been a short-sighted thing... I'll never know if it be real.

To those who still don't know.. I am flying off to Chengdu, China soon along with 12 others for my internship. To those who believe in God and prayer please pray for me.. To those who don't believe in God and prayer... well... wish all the best to me =)

Which brings to mind I don't really have much excitement for the trip now.. Something's terribly wrong about me... Maybe I still think all of this is a dream.. Too good to be true.. Or something that I thought will never happen.. But whatever it is it is sure happening now..


I totally detest Singaporean KFC. It tastes spastic and disgusting. I thought macdonald's is horrible till I relived KFC tonight. Dang my stomach feels very weird now. The chicken tastes totally artificial. SOme parts of the chicken were either not well-cooked or have to much flour over them. Seriously if there are signs for the end of the world. This should be one of them. KFC making money through crap food. THen again this world is insane anyways.

Yesterday during Saturday Youth service. THe speaker was speaking about Adam and Eve (as a sidetrack actually). and we had a very very slight debate on who had the greater sin.

To those who don't know Adam and Eve were the first human couple to be ever created by God. Adam the male(the first human), Eve the female(the wife of Adam). Both of them were given the task to tend to the garden of Eden. To cut the long story short. There was a tree that bore the fruit of knowledge that Adam and Eve were commanded not to eat from. A serpent came by and deceived Eve and told her eating the fruit will make her like God, all-knowledgeable, knowing good and evil. She listened to the serpent and ate and gave some to her husband. Needless to say God found out, and we are all cursed.

wad made me think was.... Adam might not have known that the fruit was actually that forbidden fruit.(the speaker concluded the guy being the bigger sinner). After all there may be two similar looking fruits. But my bottom line is still that all sin is still equal no matter what.

Well... That aside I still got work tmr and tues... :'(

bye

Moon^Ey3s signing off

Really darn bored

I got sooooo soooooo bored that I actually even considered doing this and THUS done this... ergh


Rule # 1:
If you open this you GOTTA take it.

Rule # 2:
You are NOT ALLOWED to explain
ANYTHING unless someone messages you
and asks

Rule #3:
Only answer Yes or No(I am so gonna break this rule)

Q: Kissed someone on your top friends?
A: No

Q: Been arrested?
A: No

Q: Kissed someone you didn't like?
A: No, I already got problems kissing a girl I like

Q: You like someone?
A: Yes(sadly)

Q: Held a snake?
A: Nope... never had a chance to

Q: Been suspended from school?
A: Nope...

Q: Been fired from a job?
A: Nope

Q: Sang karaoke?
A: Yes... Those who asks me out for karaoke~ BEWARE

Q: Done something you told yourself
you wouldn't?
A: Every single darn day

Q: Laughed until you started crying?
A: Yes.... and it's every single darn day too

Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
A: No snow in SIngapore =(

Q: Kissed in the rain?
A: No

Q: Sang in the shower?
A: Yes

Q: Sat on a roof top?
A: Yea

Q: Been pushed into a pool with all
your clothes on?
A: Nope... I push the people... :P

Q: Broken a bone?
A: Nope

Q: Shaved your head?
A: NEVER

Q: Played a prank on someone?
A: Does acting gay to a guy count?

Q: Had/have a gym membership?
A: Nope...

Q: Made a girlfriend/boyfriend cry?
A: I plead guilty

Q: Shot a gun?
A: I shoot and there's no way I can type this

Q: Donated Blood?
A: Nope... scared of needles

Q: Had your heart broken?
A: Yes...

Q: Broken someone's heart?
A: Yes.........

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"Who was your last?"
Just be 100% truthful


LAST PERSON.

1. You hung out with?
A: Colleagues at work

3. You were in a car with?
A: Church buddies

4. Went to the movies with?
A: Merv Yantz and Yuukz

5. Went to the mall with?
A: Merv Yantz and Yuukz

6. You talked on the phone?
A: Nick

7. Made you laugh?
A: LAUGHIN BUDDHA MUAHAHAHAHAHA

8. You hugged?
A: Nick(I AM NOT GAY)

10. You cried with?
A. Alone


WOULD YOU RATHER...?

1. Pierce your nose or tongue?
A. Ouch....

2. Be serious or be funny?
A: funny's good

3. Drink whole or skim milk?
A: Is there a difference?

4. Die in a fire or get shot?
A: if you meant how fast I go to the afterlife... I rather get shot
---------------------------------------
---------------------------------------


ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...

1. Sun or moon?
A: moon

2. Winter or Fall?
A: Fall

3. Left or right?
A: Right

4. Sunny or rainy?
A: rainy

6. Where do you live?
A: Singapore

7. Favorite Song?
A: Creep by Radiohead

8. Do you want to get married?
A: I seriously have no idea but yes should be the answer for now

9. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut
it?
A: twirl

10. Where's 11 and 12?
A: Some dumb ass went to delete them.

13. Do You Cook?
A: Once in a rainbow colored moon

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS HAVE YOU...

1. Kissed someone?
A: Nope

2. Sang?
A: Yes Can't take my eyes of offf you~~~~~

3. Been hugged?
A: Yea.....I saved a guy and he hugged me

5. Danced Crazily?
A: Never

6. Cried?
A: No

7. Liked someone you can't have?
A: Well it seems that way at this point of time

Serious Case Of AMNESIA

Why do I have amnesia? well... It officially took me 15 days just for me to remember my password(Yea I counted cuz I was juz $(*&#@($*@&# bored)

I could have posted like tonnes of things in this (*$#&@(*#$&@ blog of mine but juz because of my $#(@*&$(#@*&$ "amnesia"I could remember my password to write those thoughts down... and when i FINALLY logged in.... I remembered I've got ($#*@&#@(&$@ amnesia and I could not remember what I wanted to write down.... SO much for being an IT "professional" I think i would not survive in this world with this amnesia.... zzzz driving me insane....

Honestly I don't what is happening to me.... I am feeling terribly blue... don't misunderstand me though.... I am not sad or anything.... this feeling somehow is too special to describe.... it's a blend of sadness and happiness blended altogether that words just fail me. It is clean like an acoustic guitar but has the noise of the electric guitar. Maybe it's just my mood swings =\

In approx one week I'll be leaving for Chengdu(Time realli flies) I could still remember vividly I was telling my parent that ONLY MAYBE i'll be going overseas and here I am... confirmed with tix and visa and all ready to go(well other than the packing of bags and the flu jab la >_<) Though it's my first time going overseas alone... I can't really feel any excitement or whatsoever.... Maybe it's the blues.... or maybe the excitement as a kid within has already died...

however un-exciting that may be... I do look forward to living with my "family" for the next 3 months... I'm sure there will be quite a lot of clashes between us (I have a good feeling BGR is going to be one of them) but yea Getting over them is part of life =) ugh... I do hope my bad habits dun scare them away though hahahahahaha...

As for my love life... not much of a choice now I definitely have to put everything I have on hold (but my love life with the Lord will inevitably carry on =) ). Maybe... just maybe things willll change for the better when I get back from Cheng... I'll probably be more of a mature boy if not a man to better determine this.... Whatever it is... it's definitely on the hold =/

It's only when writing this I realise how much I love Singapore despite of it's many shortcomings. Heck I think I even love Singapore's shortcomings. I'll miss all the friends here in Singapore too even though it's just the 3 months. I'll miss all the usual lifestyles I have in Singapore :'(... (kinda brings a bit of tears to my eyes)

So imma end this post here(before I really start crying)...... Good Bye and Good night =)

Mo0nxEy3s Signing Off
PS: Some advise on what I should bring overseas would be welcome by u readers =)

Dead Beat

You know it's only after the last post that I realized quite a lot of people do read this blog despite of the crappy appearance and owner with irregular updates


You are not my love.... It's the you that resides in my mind that is my love..... I am sure that the you that i meet everytime is not the you that i see every second within the darkness of my mind. I know what must be done (or rather NOT be done at this case). Now's neither the time nor place for such immature romance. There are still dreams to accomplish. Even so, without those dreams. I am not yet a man. This has been proven for a number of occasions good and bad. I cannot be that pillar of strength for you to rely on if you'd ever need someone to lean on. I'd probably crumble at the slightest touch. For my foundation is not really there.

If we by chance or will ever be together(or for any girl). I do wish it not to be just a facade. I don't wish it to be just child's play. I want it to be real. Something that carries on to marriage. Even if we did break up for some reason. At least we were serious. Not wasting precious time of our average 75 years of life. You might not think me mad for thinking too far. But in all due respect, isn't such love supposed to end up in marriage? So why would I bother if it is just for that period of fake joy which I am already regretting. It would be a waste of time(and not to mention money =) ) for both of us.

As much as this passage sound like I am very much in love. I am pretty pretty sure at this very point of time I am not in love with her and it's pretty much a crush. Why I sound like I am in love? uhhh.... I guess it's the "art" genes in me doing the workout(it's in overdrive cause I have not been doing anything artistic for a long time).

Anti-virus programs are seriously over-rated. Why? Well this is how an anti-virus program works. What it does is just detect for symptoms within the computer and react by comparing the possible viruses and thus eradicating the virus if they find a match in their library. So what happens if this virus is able to mutate?Yes you heard me... mutate. It occurs within computer viruses if they are programmed to do so. There also chances of not even finding that virus within the library. Thus the anti-virus would not be able to do anything. Not to mention it lags your computer like #@$&(@*$&. Don't get me wrong though... I am not saying that anti-viruses are totally useless... I am just saying that there is a limit. And it's a limit that is very easily exploited. Wanna know how to exploit it? Very simple =)

Just go surf lots of porn, free game, casino and of course "suspicious" sites(actually I think blogger is one of them).

The bottom line is... even though your computer can have a powerful defense system... it's still gonna go down when you wade into danger.


Yea I am gonna end it here tonight.... long week again (with attachment)

What happened

Lots of stuff happened during the time i did not blog so bear with me =)

What's happened to me that I am so weak to you... How many times has it been that I have again thought of you? For many days weeks months I have thought of you. I will not sing that this is love nor would I preach it. I would just say that you are someone special. Special enough that a few of your words and minutes make me think of you in hours. It's merely months that I've known you but yet you made a deep impression.

It would never work. That I definitely know it. I am a variable that is never constant. A variable with an array of values. You are just too good for me. It's also the circumstances that keeps it this way. How disastrous will it be if I actually tell how I feel to you even IF it is love? I would be an architect of my own destruction.

I know by some chance you will read this. I don't mind you reading this... I just mind that you know who you are...



Aiya aiya aiya don't mind the passage up there it's just a guy trying to be artistic with his hormones and nothing more... =)

That aside I am being tekan-ed by my superiors at my workplace (I am doin my attachment now =)) got a lot of stuff that I dun understand there la... wa lao eh .... and the hours there are like loooooong (0830 - 1800)... but oh well that's my choice as an IT professional... =(

To make matters worse... they are considering keeping me and my mates here in singapore for an additional month before we could actually go.... (and I just got my exit Permit approved :'( )

Few days ago I just went to East Coast Park with my church people =). It was quite fun really, I got back in touch with roller blading after such a long period of time. I still haven't lost it after these years (though I did have a bit of a fall). Really look forward to buying blades so that I don't need to use the crappy ones that I paid $7 to borrow(can someone say rip-off?).

Also helped Guy A (yay~ finally a guy) do his programming stuff for his assignment. This somehow brought me to think back to who I was 2 years ago. I remember that I knew jack about programming but here I am doing this in a matter of minutes~~~ Really thank God for this gift he has laid upon me (maybe it's because of one of the ideas concerning a bible game that I wanted to develop LOL)

Okie I am really tired now...(believe me you kids at school.... Please please cherish your time in school) I am writing gibberish in this post *screams*

Good night

EEk

You Are 20% Boyish and 80% Girlish

Even if you're not a girl, you're very feminine. You're in touch with your feelings, and your heart rules you. A bit of a emotional roller coaster, one moment you're up and the next you're down. But no matter what, you try to be as cute and perky as possible.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Wake up call

Bleah Today is my wake up call

2 days to my examinations and I have not ripped my butt off my comfort zone to study anything yet!!! AARRRRGGHHHH!!!!!!! Deja vu man!!(for the 2nd time from year one) Okie sure I do know and remember all the concepts for all the modules but somehow.... Something tells me that I should not be slacking away over here... GAHHH I am one lazy person.....

Okie nothing eventful happened today... really it's pretty much computer games and reading stuff on the computer... I felt really guilty for not doing anything productive and thus went out for a jog.Guess what... my left leg started to burn up really bad after 1 or 2 km. Felt like it was gonna explode(like plak!! kind of explosion of flesh) I guess it should be my shoes but nah.... I m probably pushing the blame. It's like 4 years since I exercised seriously and diligently. confirm plus chop will have this problem... I think I will really die for NAPFA man.... Gotta train up(and YA I AM GETTING FAT).Thus is my wake up call for the day

I dunno somehow my feelings are messed up. No I am not saying that I am sad or angry. But neither am I happy or excited either... I have no idea how I feel... Human emotions.... A very complicated thing.(no I am not in love) It is just a feeling of blue.... some how this song is the closest I could find for my emotions

Air on G



Sad? Happy? I dunno but yea I got things to do I cannot sit down here and procrastinate.... others depend on me... I shall not fail them

yea here's something fun(to chase away the "blue" feeling sorry to brin you all down =))



On the lighter note I got something to confess

I like fierce girls =P *wink*

Chinese New Year

Happy Chinese New Year Everyone!!!!!!

Okie actually it's not really a happy season for me... Why? I don't know *($^@*(#^@#& Bahasa Indonesia!!!! *SCREAMS* It's like I am an exhibit every time I go visit my relatives la... And I never understand anything that they are saying :'(. SO it's pretty much getting $$$ for this season and not much meaning at all...(I am not a traditional kind of guy)

Valentine's day sucked... Not because I did not have a date or anything (Seriously Valentine's is one of the last days where you would want to have a date) but rather I had nothing to do due to the breakdown of my computer(It's fixed now btw). It's also a good thing cause I finally realise I rely a lot on the computer in my life... Maybe I should do something about it.(I had to resort to an antique Pentium one to get by lar... It's only equipped to do MSN and nothing else *sobz*)

Speaking about valentine's day. I feel that it does not even have a meaning. It's just like a reason for people to jack up prices to rip off more money from couples and the like. It's even worse when you live in Singapore where guys(most of the time) have to get really really creative just to have a "cheap" but fulfilling and fun date out with a girl. Oh well... Maybe I'm blabbering here because I have never spent my valentines with anyone.(But it does really make sense). But I strongly believe still that everyday should be a special day with your loved ones and not that they can only be appreciated when a special occasion arises. One good idea might be have a "special valentine's day" that is held any other day other than valentine's day =). (I am beginning not to make any sense)

Oh yea I'll prolly be playing this song for the next concert. Enjoy =)

The Two Cello Concerto by Vivaldi

Reflections

Pardon me for I have been "cold" to thee. Pardon me for being silent to thee. Pardon me for not looking into everyone of your eyes when we speak. Pardon me Pardon me. It is just the way I am. No one can change me but God if He is willing. It is a terminal illness within me that makes me look normal in front of the insane and insane in front of the normal. It is to the point that I make insanity seem normal through my insanity alone. Afflicted through birth this is all I remember. Not anyone I blame but myself. Not anything I blame. The blame is mine and only mine alone to bear. It's surely no physical death. But a mental and emotional one. What is a healthy body when the mind and spirit is sick?

I have nothing to say. My mind is just blank. Nothing in this world fills it. Only childish fantasies consisting of swords and magic. I am an outcast in your conversations. You are not like me and I am not like you all. It is not a matter of class. It is just a simple matter of differences.

Maybe it is just a fear within me. The fear to let people see the creature within this shell of a body of mine. The creature that holds my name in thrall. Angel or Devil I have no idea. It might be something else entirely for I have no idea. But we all have an idea since we are all sinners.

Even more is the fear to interact with people of the opposite gender! How much of an idiot I sound whenever I speak to any of them. It's not about any romantic relations! Nor is it about lust!!! It's just that I am shyed away at the sight of thee. A supposed other half of mankind. How much I wish I were like my peers. Daring and not tongue-ties. To look into their eyes and not shy away like me.

Again don't get me wrong. All of you I like. All of you I care. All of you I adore. All of you I love. I hold not grudge hatred nor sorrow against any of you. Or at least until now. But it is simply foreign. I am a foreigner in this country of love. Teach me my brothers and sisters this language of love. This language for which all of you comunicate. Teach me love!!! For I am a foreigner from a land of sorrow, lust, hatred, anger and unlove. I pray that I can learn thee and it is not too late.

Until a man meets his wife he is incomplete,

when he is finally marries he is finished

Gross

Soetimes I just find it gross... Those people who act cute... I mean... I understand secondary school la.. but heck she's like in poly and still acting cute!!! eeeeee er xin!!(not talkin bout u, girl A =) ). Well I think it's just me bein too crappy. Maybe thats how she is.. BUT STILL!!!! EEEEEEEE!!! Man I got to learn how to get over these kind of things.


I have officially acted in such a dumb manner that i wasted my $15 on a cab to reach school at 8 when the lesson's actually starting at 10 *weeps*

When I view upon my christian life, in many ways I think about the jedi in star wars. Sure it's not a total likeness(actually it's just a very small small portion of likeness) but our lifestyle in many ways are quite similar. Everyday we are bombarded with many temptations and evils that will plunge us to the "dark side". That's how it is for me. Worse still I still do some bad stuff even though I KNOW they are bad. Sure God forgives me but I shouldn't take this for granted. I should change my ways and bad habits. Sure I have changed but it isn't a total makeover.

Only the weak shall succumb to violence

Nosey Parker 2

Turns out it's really me WAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Has a brief conversation with her in her blog... too many coincidences... definitely me... But i also breached a private blog... -.-!

Anyways today was pretty uneventful....(AGAIN!!!!) started my day off with an interview by SCS(some prestigious IT company that I, surprisingly don't know about considering that it was prestigious). This time I did not answer questions wrongly(or at least I think that I didn't)HOWEVER, the interviewer asked me like little to none questions?!?! man now I'm really getting a tad bit worried. But oh well, all's done and I can't do anything about it. We'll just see how it goes.

So yea the interview ended at 1130 and i had Strings at like 6....

How did i kill my time? I went to watch kungfu mahjong 3!!! BWAHAHAHA!!!! and I was like one of the 5 people watching the movie la.... in such a big theatre...

after that i pretty much slacked till 6 and went for cello lessons again~... finally Julian and I can play that piece (barely)~ Hopefully we can play this for Sinfonia =)

Nosey Parker...

Bleah it's now my hols already... not exactly my hols but yea I don't need to go to school regularly now.

Honestly sometimes when I try to interact with individuals of another gender. I tend to have this fear of what they think of me. No don't get me wrong, it's not that I want to appear as the number one eligible hunk or something like that. Nor am I afraid to show them who I truly am. It's just that I am afraid that they think that I am woo-ing or interested in them in some way. Maybe it's due to the fact that I do not really interact with girls in my early years. Maybe it's just that I am just too shy in front of almost any girl that I act like a total moron in front of them. Thus with each friendship with the other gender i tend to get a bit more colder and colder.

So if I have offended any of you ladies because of this. I sincerely apologise for being who I am.

That aside it's been pretty boring without any work in my hands(well other that the usual stuff). So I have recently been typing my name into various search engines.

Guess what? I stumbled onto a blog which were not meant for my eyes only. Don't get me wrong. It's nothing negative about me. It was quite positive.... no wait.... i rephrase.... VERY POSITIVE(get what I am trying to say?). It's kinda scared me off because I really do think who the author is writing about in that post is actually me due to the fact that we have quite a number of similarities(same school etc etc). And I am pretty sure only I have that name in that school(and the various factors)

It's no good thing. Because It's kinda her secret. And i stumbled in like a big buffoon.Good thing I am not close to her. I do hope that guy she wrote isn't me(Though I think chances are slim). I just hope I can be normal in front of her.

Nothing much is gonna happen now but yea it seems that I am gonna get more chances to serve now =) halleluyah! I just pray though that I would be acceptable. Whatever I do will be acceptable.

And oh yea... It's gonna be mugging period(but I have a feeling i'm gonna end up slacking through it again like my previous semesters)

Dreams

Alrighty lemme start the post off with a question to tickle your minds with

This is a question that was asked to kindergarten kids and to univerity students

90% of those kindergarten students who were questioned got this question correct

10% of those university students who were questions got this question correct

Here's the question:What is the phrase most used in english?

you have unlimited tries.

Hint:Think simple.


I see my life and I see how horrid it has been. I see it know what a fool I was for you are ripped my blindfolds right out. For that I thank you. But also for that I have guilt in my heart. Twice I have failed. Twice I have done something so foolish. I will never forget how I have forsaken the truth to hold on a lie just so that I could hold on to truth. It was actually all so simple but yet I made it all so complicated. It was already forgiven and forgotten and not talked about. But I can never do that.

Wah the past week have been quite boring. It's mainly a bit of cleaning up my program and all that. So I think I'm gonna just end my post here g'night =)

It is finished!!!!

Why is it that you catch my eyes so?

The word infinite limits it's meaning itself

IT IS DONE!!!! MY JAVA PROJECT!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!

Pardon me... It has been very very long.....

Honestly now let's talk about women.

Why is it that I keep falling into these kind of entanglements? Of the matters of the heart? of the mind? of the flesh? seriously it is all too cryptic for me to know. It must be fate that made me this way. To place me in situations of which I would run away if I have a choice. But I do not have a choice. I cannot run away. I cannot run away from her or them. It's just like an invisible cage entrapping us both with blindfolds just for us to sense each of the others presence. Is it the mask you're after or me? Is it your mask I'm after or is it you? I want the answer but yet not the pain and sorrow. I want the answer but not the change that may bring. I want the answer but not the commitment that follows. I want the answer and too not the accompaniment that binds us together. Even so more complicated are the threads of kinship binding and connecting all of us together. So thin are they any wrong move snaps many.

Pardon me for the complicated paragraph... But this is the storms of my mind, you have been warned(by the top title =) )

Alright today was pretty alright la.... finished my J2EE project (hooray!!!! Banzai!!!!!) and among others I believe my magic trick(I call it the flipping card) is pretty much perfected =). I realised I need to play a bit more soccer though. I am getting quite out of touch(and playing in my leather shoes ain't a good idea).

Today while I was relaxing after the soccer match. I saw Girl D(another girl I am fond of but not romantically =) ) holding the Final theory book for driving. Which reminds me that I have not finished my course for driving yet!!!! Damn I need to start getting all those tests done and get my license done. I dun wanna waste money by spending another year in BBDC(Bukit Batok Driving Centre).

And talking about learning stuff. I seriously wanna learn more things!!!! I wann learn how to sing!!!! I wanna learn the harmonica!!!! I wanna learn the saxophone!!!!! I wanna learn the flute!!!!! I wanna learn the Piano!!!! AND SO MUCH FREAKIN MORE!!!! But yet I know I cannot have time(and the money) to learn all of it. I guess I'll have to take it one step at a time to learn them one by one.

With reference to the first paragraph, yea I do feel a bit love-sick. Probably because I feel too lonely. Probably of other reasons. I seriously don't know. But one thing i do know, I cannot do anything. I cannot risk this for it is not worth it. The seriousness might not even be there. But however it might even be there. So tough the matters of the heart I am speaking in cryptic again. But what can this sinner do? So hopeless am I I have no strength for this. I could only just pray......

I will start with my gifts you have given me for they will not go to waste

Masks

I will always remember the smile, the hugs, the kisses and the moments shared together

Actually I kinda regret for the many stupid stuff that I have done to myself. The trends that I tried to follow. The idols that I tried to worship and be like. It made me wear so many masks. With each mask I wear I change my personality and traits. There was many a time when I wore too many masks at one go that I forgot Who I really was. It seemed that the real Huzaen was vanishing while the characteristic traits of the masks took his place. Who am I? I couldn't really answer that question.

Sure many know that I have had quite a number of girls liking me romantically. Whether or not they are serious is another matter. But they probably never really liked me. It might be the masks that suited their flow, their trend, their likings and loves. I have no idea how it works for a woman's mind and I have surely come to know it is useless for us martians to understand the venusians (men came from mars while women came from venus as they say). But I do know for sure, I was putting on different masks for different people to suit them and adapt to them. I have become a ditto for human beings. It was an internal personality battle that I broke down resolving the aftermath and pieces from that battle. Two times it happened, two times I lost something dear to me. All because of my masks.

As I went on to my tertiary level education, things slowly changed. One by one my masks slowly shattered and faded away. I couldn't be bothered. I just wanna be alone and be free. That was my only intent. One by One my masks shattered, Part by Part my true face showed. But is there even really a face left? It could be so that my face has moulded to much to the masks that there is nothing left within.My true face. Gone it may be. A face with ever-changing features but not one true. So hilarious it is that I don't even know how I look like. But what can I do? I just need to hold out the masks. till my face re-shapes again.

I find God very very generous. It's like I haven't given much to him but he still gives me everything that I have asked for. WHever I try to give my blessings away He will give me more. Really sometimes I feel God is mature and the same time a kid. But what could I say? He's not human and not to be applied by our usual context. When PIT told us to use our brains. I also feel like telling those people who looked down on God "use your brain!". For truly ye have never understood what is the meaning of limitless. The meaning of almighty and Lord of our reality itself. Get out of your narrow minds I beseech you. After all how can a limited mind like ours begin to comprehend the limitless Him?

A true king and ruler is not one who abuses his power and bullying others below him. But it is a powerful and strong king that serves and be humble to his people that is worthy to be a true king.

A buckload down the drain

Ah finally.... some time for myself.... and somemore time to bullshit...

The only way for evil to triumph, is for good men to do nothing.

Once again hello again!! Yea the past few days have been quite hectic as I had to prepare for various tests and presentations and the like.... the good news is... I HAVE OFFICIALLY FINALLY FINISHED 3 OF MY MODULES!!! 4 MORE MODULES TO GO!!!!

Okie lemme back track to somewhere around sunday...

Sunday sucked bad... why? because of the pre-release. Damn I felt that I have wasted my $40 there (even though I still got the promo card and 2 boosters). My card pool that I got was actually quite messy and I could not make a proper deck with it...Damn... I shoulda spent more time to construct my deck properly... But o well it's over already ... Ijust need to remember that for my next pre-release...

okie... now today was also bad too...(other than my presentation =) ) We had this performance for the open house and we play "The Four Seasons". If you ask me, We played horribly. All of us did not look at conductor and all that and the rhythm was seriously off...

That being put aside... It was still better due to us having a bit more people now. I am also glad that my "successor" is also trying her best to make the club better.THere may still be hope yet. I do hope that we could improve ourselves even more and not be a letdown to the band anymore. I just hope that the other members share the same vision as us.

Well I'm not gonna write much today... quite tired(Haven had good sleep for days)

SO yea... i'm gonna sleep =) bye *yawn*zzzzzz

System.out.println("I am going nuts");

I am quite amazed.... I have actually written in my blog quite consistently...

You are not what you think you are but what you think, you are

Okie I think is gonna be short cause I am in the middle of doing a project(it's drivin me nuts).

Alright today was pretty uneventful. It was pretty much school homework and tutorials and such. Nothing much except the fact that one of my group members for my project didn't come(AGAIN).

For those who do not know who she is... continue not to know who she is because I'm gonna complain a lot about her.

Henceforth she shall be known as girl C to protect her identity(it's not girl A or B due to the fact I have already used those alphabets and I am perfectly fine and fond of them(not romantically))

The project was given to us from the beginning of the semester asking us to develop a system for which allows students to select their electives. It was a fairly do-able project given that it was actually considered the easiest among them all.

So yea we went through the weeks doing the project with our assigned workload (with respect to our competency). Everything was actually fine. Perfect if I were to say so myself really. Girl C was actually one of the more hard-working ones in the group. I was actually quite slack(but I still did my job la =) ). So I actually thought things should go quite smoothly for us UNTIL.....

Somewhere in the middle of the semester(near Christmas if I am not wrong). We needed to develop a prototype of our assigned workloads. It didn't need to be near the final product what was needed was a bit of database connections here and there and user Interface all done up. So my team leader asked us to submit our parts to him and he will integrate the system for us.

The next day...

Huzaen: Eh how's the integration?

TeamLeader: you see Girl C's codes....

I looked.... I freaked out...

(this is gonna be a bit techie)

SHE WENT AND PUT ALL THE DATABASE CODES INTO THE JSP PAGES!!!! SHE NEVER NAME ALL THE FILES ACCORDING TO THE NAMING CONVETION!!!!! SHE NEVER FOLLOW ACCORDING TO THE THREE-TIER MODEL!!!!!

(team leader shakes me out of shock)

Team Leader: This sem is gonna be tough again...

And until now... she has not shown her anymore progress of her project... nor has she handed in any deliverables that is due . I dun mind if she was blur or incompetent but what made it worse was that she never even ASK FOR HELP!!!!

until now I have yet to see her for any of the important submission dates.....

most likely one of us remaining ones would have to be heroic again and do her portion of the work......

Anyways that being said I just hope she bucks up la.... I mean... We will have to soon decide whether or not to kick her out and condemn her(it's already nearing the end of the semester). And it's still not a good decision to make... But yea this is life and the working world(actually we're kinda lenient already and gave her a lot of chances) I just dunno how la... It's really all up to her.

Anyway yea It's gonna be Open House down here(not exactly here here but whatever) at NYP from 25 Jan to 27 Jan. So all you O-lvl or ITE graduate peeps do come and take a look!!! It'll be from 10 AM - 6 PM (i think).

And another thing!!!!! Magic Pre-release is here AGAIN!!!! WOOHOO!!!!! PLANAR CHAOS!!!!! SWEE MAN!!!! IT'S Tomorrow and sunday =) magic fans make your way to expo!!!!! but sadly... I am only goin for sunday one in the afternoon :'(....

Gotta finish my work... buai!!

Gullible Me

Due to the fact that a girl feedback to me abt small fonts making her unable to read... I shall use large fonts from now on

AND

Due to the fact that my picky sister is also currently reading my blogs regularly I wil TRY MY BEST to write this this in standard english(other than some words to express emotions)(ps: tag my board leh jie!!)

Something to share about in my club

Girl A:(whispers)Eh Huzaen.. That girl... Girl B(not actual name)... I think she quite compatible with you leh.... go for her la

Huzaen:(Stares at Girl B, then to Girl A) See how first.....

Approx One or Two months later

Girl B:(Whispers)Eh Huzaen.. THat girl... Girl A(of course not actual name)... I think she quite compatible with you leh... go for her la

Huzaen:(Gives Girl B the -.- face and walks away with his cello)


Today I just did something logically dumb in the school library. I was just in school minding my business and looking for some DVDs to borrow and watch. I picked the DVD and went to the machine to borrow the DVD (as usual). There were two girls trying to borrow 3 VCDs with one admin card(the loan quota is 2 CDs). So since they found out that they could only borrow 2 out of the 3. They disappointed turn away from the machine and saw me...holding one DVD..... THen something unexpected happened.

One of the girls:"Eh.... can we use your card to borrow this?"

Immediately in my mind I shouted "WHAAAATT!!!! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND???!?!?!?! WHO WOULD ACTUALLY AGREE TO THAT?!?!?!" and I stood there stoning for around ten seconds to come out with the reply....

my came in scaring myself even further...I said "Err...uh... okie lor..."

I am just simply amazed at myself....

Then I just went on to scan the disc to borrow the item for them and they promised to return it on the same day. I did not know who they were at all.

Seriously I don't know why I even agreed to help them. I mean... you don't go helping people you don't know borrow stuff from the library with your own account(And I was pretty damn sure I wasn't doing this to impress the girls).THey might run away with the item and make you become an innocent victim. Is this what they meant by loving thy neighbours?

But anyways thank God they weren't bad people to steal the discs so I'm quite fine by that(Though my willingness to help them still baffles me).

Sometimes I just don't understand myself.

Oh yea... recently i've got a friend who got into a car accident. Well... It ain't exactly a car accident but I don't what you call a "motorbike" accident but oh well... back to point... my friend got banged by a motorbike. He flew from the impact and hit his head to the traffic lights and his knee hit the metal railing by the kurb. The panel for the maintanence of the traffic lights dropped out of it's place. The metal railing got bent in with the shape of my friend's leg. The motorcyclist ran away.

Now here come the miraculous part. My friend only tore part of his skin from his arm(and it isn't really a big area) and sustained no serious injuries and fractures to the bone. Afer he went to the doctor's that day... he went to school immediately to continue his lessons.

For those of you who think it's not a big deal. Recall those newspapers with the car accidents. Most of the time it's the car that gets thrashed up bad... not the kurb or the traffic light. for my friend;s case it actually happened vice versa! Man I think either my friend has God's favour or he really has one helluva strong body(He's quite buff by the way)


Lately I have been thinking.... What happens if we christians... (who inevitably HAVE TO GO INTO THE ARMY for Singapore) go to war? I mean, in war, people kill each other(Usually for the dumb reasons) and we do know that taking a person's life is wrong. We can't exactly give up our arms and let the opposition kill us to because the lives of the women(lucky them) and children of the nation depends on our victory or loss in battle. We also can't afford to give mercy because we also have to follow our orders to shoot to kill. Sure the likelyhood of a World War 3 is quite slim but it might still happen. All of us will have to go into the battle field and kill to save lives someday. I don't know... I just pray that somehow that wars will never happen no matter how small. I just pray that live will not be lost meaninglessly like those that happened in world war 2. I just pray that I will never have to make the decision between lives.

And now I just seriously pray I can finish my work :

past to present

2nd Post!!!

Alright lemme confess something very very embarrassing. I actually took approx one hour to log into my blog account >_
Well I started through by logging in via the old blogger account thingy instead of the new Google account. SO..... I tried all sorts of usernames that I had used for various games and accounts from Bl@ck^Cr!mS0n to Mo0n^Ey3s. And got a lot of mails from the blogger support to retrieve my forgotten passwords. After lots of headaches and &(@#*&$(#$-ing. I tried the new account... and behold... I got in immediately... Which is like what.. now?!?!?!

zzz sometimes I feel my course is making me even more IT-iliterate than I originally am.(I am currently studying in IT)

But yea in one way I get to thank God for this "mishap" for I also found many blogs that I had authored long long time ago. I realised that I have changed a lot and My way of writing has kinda changed. Seriously my hair kinda stood when I saw what I wrote in the blogs. Lots of posts were negative with various "mood swing" posts in between many. Whether I have matured? I am not sure... But I am definitely sure I am nowhere as pessimistic and negative as I was 2 years ago.

In many ways today was pretty rushed. I had to rush out my test-scenarios for the User acceptance test and to study for my Digital Media Interaction Design(for more info, It's just common sense with a lot of dumb terms and jargon that's worth a rip-off amount of marks). I had to write out a draft for our Personal Development report(We're doing card magic, Thank God for the christmas movie I got some practice =) ). And yikes I still haven't done anything about my entrepreneurship report. And guess which educational institute I am? I am in a polytechnic in Sinapore (And I honestly though it would be slack)

I admire many people in this world. But yet it is not the powerful people that I admire, it's those who knows control and peace that I admire. Many people think that only the strong and the fittest can survive in this world. To a certain extent, I agree to that statement. But it is only the strong and the fittest THAT are meek and humble that I admire. For only the weak would succumb to acts of violence and pride and the string in control of themselves. Sometimes the greatest enemy of all man, is the devil within.

Oh yea I am currently also working on an e-mail to spread the gospel... thing is... I don't know exactly where to start and how to go about it. Honestly when I look all the way back into the beginning of my christian life, I knew God not through someone sharing the gospel to me, nor is it through church or sunday school. It was through music. I was "serving" in the chapel service in my old school(Saint Francis Methodist School). It was through that I finally got to know about this God ( even though i could never understand him). It was my curiousity that made me ask more and landed me to where I am. I am thankful really for my friends that brought me in.. I really should meet up with them someday.

Anyway back to point the idea is this. I will write down the gospel(trying to make it as friendly a possible so as not to piss people off).below I will write down my church address and timings for worship services and from which country that my church resides in (blog and telephone number too).I have a space below to let christian readers to write down their churches too. After that there will be a message requesting them to send to everyone they know and spread the good news to everyone in their address book(of course I won't write anything like "if you don't send this to at least 10 people you'll get bad luck or anything like that).

Yea so that should be what I have in mind... dear readers what do you think?

Hello World!!!!

Hello!!!!

Ah well I guess I'll start blogging again and all that( hopefully I continue to do so and not give up like my 2 or 3 previous ones)

And yea I know there's lots to change I am seriously to lazy for the time being so i'm gonna leave it like this for the moment =)

Honestly the year started out with a lot of stuff...

As I finish one job I have a lot more coming up to greet me.... sometimes I wonder whether life is just a vicious cycle repeating itself on and on without any change till the day we die... But it's okie as I know this time it is not meaningless as I am walking through this with God.

God? you may ask? Yea I am christian =)

Lately... I have been thinking of a particular girl. I don't even know why I am thinking of her. It's so funny because I don't even know her that long? Maybe It's the need for companionship maybe it's just that I am desperate maybe I am just plain crazy. Whatever it may be I do hope I will be able to find wisdom in how I deal with this situation.

Love... it brings so many questions to everyone's mind.... believe me what is a human without love? All of us need it, all of us want it and definitely all of us crave it... don't think so? Well think again... you know it yourself. However what raises many problems to many of us is that we don't know what it is. What makes it worse is there are many kinds of "love". And believe me it's quite shitty cause loving a person as a sister and loving a person romantically is really really quite different and it might end up in broken hearts and all that.

If you ask me.... love is like a coin... it has two sides... It is both happiness and sadness.... comfort and pain.... Suffering and joy.... you name the good... it has it's bad... The bad ... the good. Sometimes you can't even find any good for love... But all in all it's worth it... cause a it's a coin mate =) and it will all pay off more than money can ever be...

Love all =)!