How is it that I am blessed with you? When i have done so many wicked and horrible things in my life? Why did God give me such a blessing? I could never know the plans of his. I just wanna thank him and thank you for being with me. May it be this way till the next dawn and ever after for it has been and still is good.
How long has it been? 3 weeks? since I have left Singapore for Chengdu. I am still fine as always(Actually more than fine =) ). From the descriptions my friends here gave me about the place. I thought I would suffer quite ab it (mainly because of the food) but it turns out that it isn't so bad after all (I have after lived in worse conditions before).
Honestly when my friends all said that they have changed a lot in this trip, I am beginning to wonder what has changed for me too. I begin to think about how life would be like when I go back to Singapore. One things for sure I won't be hanging up with my usual clique in school anymore (Mainly due to the different electives and schedule that we are getting) Whether or not I will be lonely for school or not will be mystery. One thing's for sure... my cello is waiting for me in school (and the rantings of my conductor and teacher-in-charge) -.-!. I believe I've got much to catch up after not playing for so long. Hope the section still needs me >_<
My weekends might need a bit of an adjustment as well due to some commitments( Don't worry brothers, I am not skipping church) We'll just have to see how it goes.
Computer games don't carry that much appeal to me anymore. This I finally realised. I used to hold them in great regard during my early teens. Was able to play like 10 hours straight without eating or anything. Not to mention I always needed to buy new games and upgrade my hardware to match them. Now it just don't to have that much fun anymore. Hehz. Maybe it's the "distractions" here :P. But oh well I AM GLAD. Games don't control my life anymore( Though I am still available for a game DOTA and CS :P )
I miss my music.... a lot... I miss my guitar... :'(. It really angers me sometimes as It's here where I found an inspiration to actually write a song and my guitar IS NOT AVAILABLE. ARRGGGHHH. I miss my friends in sg tooo. I definitely miss my late nights crapping and laming with them.
2 more months...(well, approximately) I wanna go back but yet I don't.
Mo0nxEy3S signing off
ps:Oh yea... to those who were wondering whether or not I am attached.... I am right now =)
To a great girl name Fong Yee =))))))
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Sunday, May 13, 2007
feelings for her
You know what sucks? I have totally no idea what to do with you. I am so so so so so lost at this. I don't dare make any change. I am just a coward. I wish there would be just two of us alone but that just ain't happening at all. I do something I might get hurt you might get hurt everyone might get affected. I don't do anything It is pretty much confirmed only I get hurt. How much is the damage? I got no idea. I wish I knew what to do. An expert in this would make great money I would say as I am pretty sure lots don't know what to do at this situation. I thought I could handle this frustration but it turns out I am at my wits end. It's time ike this when I actually start to ask myself why do I keep getting myself into these entanglement and not be able to help myself up when I could actually help others? I don't know now. Maybe you're just that special person who could actually take me. But I am just to scared of that broken glass of the past. I guess I'll just have to take it all in for the time being. That's what I have done for the month. No harm doing it for the next few.
Then again... If it were just a crush... I WILL BE SO )#$)*)@#($*#@$@ PISSED BECAUSE I AM ACTUALLY BEING EMO FOR ONCE
So please please keep my sanity till then.
maybe there's no sanity in the first place
Then again... If it were just a crush... I WILL BE SO )#$)*)@#($*#@$@ PISSED BECAUSE I AM ACTUALLY BEING EMO FOR ONCE
So please please keep my sanity till then.
maybe there's no sanity in the first place
End of FIrst week in Chengdu!! =)
Hello Hello Hello everyone!!!!! If I were still in Singapore I should be in church now =(. Along the way I don't seem to find any churches that I could go to. Even if so, I don't think that my friends would even want to accompany me to church( They would need to wake up quite early to do so). I'll just have to see how it goes then =)
I see you, I don't really know whether you really see me. If you do, I am afraid of my inability be a good image for you. Such inconfidence in myself is really frustrating to me. I hate my inconfidence in this matter. I hate my hate for the inconfidence i have. You 've treated me all too well. I really could not ask for more. I am afraid I could not give you anything if you'd ask for any.
Chengdu is really one heck of a magnificent city. Sure it is not clean as Singapore. The traffic is like Indonesia. Conmen are commonplace. But it is still magnificent. Thank God for this chance for me to see more things and actually learn how others live.
I realised that China is actually starting to block off blogger. I cannot go to my blog normally anymore =(. I could only go by "illegal" means. For what reason they blocked blogger? I have not $(#&*( idea.
I think I am just going to write it to here for now, nothing much to talk about =\.
MoonxEy3s signing off
I see you, I don't really know whether you really see me. If you do, I am afraid of my inability be a good image for you. Such inconfidence in myself is really frustrating to me. I hate my inconfidence in this matter. I hate my hate for the inconfidence i have. You 've treated me all too well. I really could not ask for more. I am afraid I could not give you anything if you'd ask for any.
Chengdu is really one heck of a magnificent city. Sure it is not clean as Singapore. The traffic is like Indonesia. Conmen are commonplace. But it is still magnificent. Thank God for this chance for me to see more things and actually learn how others live.
I realised that China is actually starting to block off blogger. I cannot go to my blog normally anymore =(. I could only go by "illegal" means. For what reason they blocked blogger? I have not $(#&*( idea.
I think I am just going to write it to here for now, nothing much to talk about =\.
MoonxEy3s signing off
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Secrets of my Heart
I've got no idea what to do now. We may be close. But int the sense we may think it be. Are we still figments of our own imaginations? or has evolved into something of greater importance. I believe myself to be even more more emotional now.Are you thinking of me? Are you dreaming of me? I am at a lost. When God said man is weak. I agree. We are so weak that we need constant direction to point us. To point us to the right direction. Be it pleasant or unpleasant. I could only sit and wait.It really seems impossible. so far yet so near. so near yet so far.
As sad as it may seem. I can choose to trust the lord to help in times of trouble such as this. To save me from digging my grave even when I am conscious of it. To comfort me when all things are in deep $@&*^$*&@. I am glad for him to be in my life.
I am also glad for her. That she also gives me comfort too. For the Lord to put her in my life, I am grateful. Even though It may seems that it is impossible for us to be together. I just want her to be happy with whoever he is =). I don't know what kind of emotion I would give if I knew who he is. I hope I will not hate him but love him in turn. I pray and pray and pray very hard for this.
Life in CHengdu so far is pretty cool. Somehow I managed to withstand the spicy foods and all that.The mouth can tahan but I have seriously no idea whether the rest of the body can tahan or not. Especially my digestive system.
Money wise shouldn't be a problem. Everything is relatively cheaper and of much larger proportions. So much so tat I could not finish most of the food given to me >_<
work wise haven start anything yet =\ just got to know soe of the people here in the company. Hopefully can work well with them despite the language barrier >_<
M0onXEy3s signing off!
As sad as it may seem. I can choose to trust the lord to help in times of trouble such as this. To save me from digging my grave even when I am conscious of it. To comfort me when all things are in deep $@&*^$*&@. I am glad for him to be in my life.
I am also glad for her. That she also gives me comfort too. For the Lord to put her in my life, I am grateful. Even though It may seems that it is impossible for us to be together. I just want her to be happy with whoever he is =). I don't know what kind of emotion I would give if I knew who he is. I hope I will not hate him but love him in turn. I pray and pray and pray very hard for this.
Life in CHengdu so far is pretty cool. Somehow I managed to withstand the spicy foods and all that.The mouth can tahan but I have seriously no idea whether the rest of the body can tahan or not. Especially my digestive system.
Money wise shouldn't be a problem. Everything is relatively cheaper and of much larger proportions. So much so tat I could not finish most of the food given to me >_<
work wise haven start anything yet =\ just got to know soe of the people here in the company. Hopefully can work well with them despite the language barrier >_<
M0onXEy3s signing off!
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Scary scary internet
Oh Thank God for Internet Explorer... If there's anything that sucked about Opera (Which is my default browser) It is that I can't seem to write non-chinese in blogger using Opera AAARRRGGGHHHH
Oh yea when you use your internet in China. EVERYTHING is in chinese >_<
Alrighty for those who have no idea what's going on right now I am currently and offically in CHina!!!! WOO HOO!!!!
But honestly there's still quite a lot of things to do here and most of all I need to blend in as one of the PRCs here. I hope that I do not compromise my morals and beliefs doing so =\ THis place is really really cool!!!! Really reminds me about the suburbs in Japan. Main difference? The cars go on pavements, a lot of things are termed differently here, foods are spicy(I am so glad I have indonesian blood in me). There are lots of things to learn. I just have to trust God and friends to lead me theough this period of time. Be it good or bad. God be with me =)
Thank God for the .net people that are already here! So so glad that they came here and not us. Must really thank them for actually being nice to help us around CHengdu =). I bet it would be quite havoc if we were the ones who come here. Wish there is something I could do for them as well.... Only time can tell.
Honestly I am just afraid. I am afraid of too many things. I can call myself the greatest cowrd on earth. No one can beat me. What am I afraid of? I am afraid of talking to a girl. I just wanna know her better and if possible be good friends with her but you know what? I get so scared of what happens around me if I actually do that. They say it's a blessing for one to think ahead. But I say that with this there is a curse for the things you want looks as if it will not happen. I am scared I am scared I am scared.
Oh yea when you use your internet in China. EVERYTHING is in chinese >_<
Alrighty for those who have no idea what's going on right now I am currently and offically in CHina!!!! WOO HOO!!!!
But honestly there's still quite a lot of things to do here and most of all I need to blend in as one of the PRCs here. I hope that I do not compromise my morals and beliefs doing so =\ THis place is really really cool!!!! Really reminds me about the suburbs in Japan. Main difference? The cars go on pavements, a lot of things are termed differently here, foods are spicy(I am so glad I have indonesian blood in me). There are lots of things to learn. I just have to trust God and friends to lead me theough this period of time. Be it good or bad. God be with me =)
Thank God for the .net people that are already here! So so glad that they came here and not us. Must really thank them for actually being nice to help us around CHengdu =). I bet it would be quite havoc if we were the ones who come here. Wish there is something I could do for them as well.... Only time can tell.
Honestly I am just afraid. I am afraid of too many things. I can call myself the greatest cowrd on earth. No one can beat me. What am I afraid of? I am afraid of talking to a girl. I just wanna know her better and if possible be good friends with her but you know what? I get so scared of what happens around me if I actually do that. They say it's a blessing for one to think ahead. But I say that with this there is a curse for the things you want looks as if it will not happen. I am scared I am scared I am scared.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Changes
I sense lots of changes in me lately(mostly about me being high) maybe God has answered my prayers. I'll be sure to thank him... but still this may have well been a short-sighted thing... I'll never know if it be real.
To those who still don't know.. I am flying off to Chengdu, China soon along with 12 others for my internship. To those who believe in God and prayer please pray for me.. To those who don't believe in God and prayer... well... wish all the best to me =)
Which brings to mind I don't really have much excitement for the trip now.. Something's terribly wrong about me... Maybe I still think all of this is a dream.. Too good to be true.. Or something that I thought will never happen.. But whatever it is it is sure happening now..
I totally detest Singaporean KFC. It tastes spastic and disgusting. I thought macdonald's is horrible till I relived KFC tonight. Dang my stomach feels very weird now. The chicken tastes totally artificial. SOme parts of the chicken were either not well-cooked or have to much flour over them. Seriously if there are signs for the end of the world. This should be one of them. KFC making money through crap food. THen again this world is insane anyways.
Yesterday during Saturday Youth service. THe speaker was speaking about Adam and Eve (as a sidetrack actually). and we had a very very slight debate on who had the greater sin.
To those who don't know Adam and Eve were the first human couple to be ever created by God. Adam the male(the first human), Eve the female(the wife of Adam). Both of them were given the task to tend to the garden of Eden. To cut the long story short. There was a tree that bore the fruit of knowledge that Adam and Eve were commanded not to eat from. A serpent came by and deceived Eve and told her eating the fruit will make her like God, all-knowledgeable, knowing good and evil. She listened to the serpent and ate and gave some to her husband. Needless to say God found out, and we are all cursed.
wad made me think was.... Adam might not have known that the fruit was actually that forbidden fruit.(the speaker concluded the guy being the bigger sinner). After all there may be two similar looking fruits. But my bottom line is still that all sin is still equal no matter what.
Well... That aside I still got work tmr and tues... :'(
bye
Moon^Ey3s signing off
To those who still don't know.. I am flying off to Chengdu, China soon along with 12 others for my internship. To those who believe in God and prayer please pray for me.. To those who don't believe in God and prayer... well... wish all the best to me =)
Which brings to mind I don't really have much excitement for the trip now.. Something's terribly wrong about me... Maybe I still think all of this is a dream.. Too good to be true.. Or something that I thought will never happen.. But whatever it is it is sure happening now..
I totally detest Singaporean KFC. It tastes spastic and disgusting. I thought macdonald's is horrible till I relived KFC tonight. Dang my stomach feels very weird now. The chicken tastes totally artificial. SOme parts of the chicken were either not well-cooked or have to much flour over them. Seriously if there are signs for the end of the world. This should be one of them. KFC making money through crap food. THen again this world is insane anyways.
Yesterday during Saturday Youth service. THe speaker was speaking about Adam and Eve (as a sidetrack actually). and we had a very very slight debate on who had the greater sin.
To those who don't know Adam and Eve were the first human couple to be ever created by God. Adam the male(the first human), Eve the female(the wife of Adam). Both of them were given the task to tend to the garden of Eden. To cut the long story short. There was a tree that bore the fruit of knowledge that Adam and Eve were commanded not to eat from. A serpent came by and deceived Eve and told her eating the fruit will make her like God, all-knowledgeable, knowing good and evil. She listened to the serpent and ate and gave some to her husband. Needless to say God found out, and we are all cursed.
wad made me think was.... Adam might not have known that the fruit was actually that forbidden fruit.(the speaker concluded the guy being the bigger sinner). After all there may be two similar looking fruits. But my bottom line is still that all sin is still equal no matter what.
Well... That aside I still got work tmr and tues... :'(
bye
Moon^Ey3s signing off
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Really darn bored
I got sooooo soooooo bored that I actually even considered doing this and THUS done this... ergh
Rule # 1:
If you open this you GOTTA take it.
Rule # 2:
You are NOT ALLOWED to explain
ANYTHING unless someone messages you
and asks
Rule #3:
Only answer Yes or No(I am so gonna break this rule)
Q: Kissed someone on your top friends?
A: No
Q: Been arrested?
A: No
Q: Kissed someone you didn't like?
A: No, I already got problems kissing a girl I like
Q: You like someone?
A: Yes(sadly)
Q: Held a snake?
A: Nope... never had a chance to
Q: Been suspended from school?
A: Nope...
Q: Been fired from a job?
A: Nope
Q: Sang karaoke?
A: Yes... Those who asks me out for karaoke~ BEWARE
Q: Done something you told yourself
you wouldn't?
A: Every single darn day
Q: Laughed until you started crying?
A: Yes.... and it's every single darn day too
Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
A: No snow in SIngapore =(
Q: Kissed in the rain?
A: No
Q: Sang in the shower?
A: Yes
Q: Sat on a roof top?
A: Yea
Q: Been pushed into a pool with all
your clothes on?
A: Nope... I push the people... :P
Q: Broken a bone?
A: Nope
Q: Shaved your head?
A: NEVER
Q: Played a prank on someone?
A: Does acting gay to a guy count?
Q: Had/have a gym membership?
A: Nope...
Q: Made a girlfriend/boyfriend cry?
A: I plead guilty
Q: Shot a gun?
A: I shoot and there's no way I can type this
Q: Donated Blood?
A: Nope... scared of needles
Q: Had your heart broken?
A: Yes...
Q: Broken someone's heart?
A: Yes.........
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Who was your last?"
Just be 100% truthful
LAST PERSON.
1. You hung out with?
A: Colleagues at work
3. You were in a car with?
A: Church buddies
4. Went to the movies with?
A: Merv Yantz and Yuukz
5. Went to the mall with?
A: Merv Yantz and Yuukz
6. You talked on the phone?
A: Nick
7. Made you laugh?
A: LAUGHIN BUDDHA MUAHAHAHAHAHA
8. You hugged?
A: Nick(I AM NOT GAY)
10. You cried with?
A. Alone
WOULD YOU RATHER...?
1. Pierce your nose or tongue?
A. Ouch....
2. Be serious or be funny?
A: funny's good
3. Drink whole or skim milk?
A: Is there a difference?
4. Die in a fire or get shot?
A: if you meant how fast I go to the afterlife... I rather get shot
---------------------------------------
---------------------------------------
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...
1. Sun or moon?
A: moon
2. Winter or Fall?
A: Fall
3. Left or right?
A: Right
4. Sunny or rainy?
A: rainy
6. Where do you live?
A: Singapore
7. Favorite Song?
A: Creep by Radiohead
8. Do you want to get married?
A: I seriously have no idea but yes should be the answer for now
9. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut
it?
A: twirl
10. Where's 11 and 12?
A: Some dumb ass went to delete them.
13. Do You Cook?
A: Once in a rainbow colored moon
IN THE LAST 48 HOURS HAVE YOU...
1. Kissed someone?
A: Nope
2. Sang?
A: Yes Can't take my eyes of offf you~~~~~
3. Been hugged?
A: Yea.....I saved a guy and he hugged me
5. Danced Crazily?
A: Never
6. Cried?
A: No
7. Liked someone you can't have?
A: Well it seems that way at this point of time
Rule # 1:
If you open this you GOTTA take it.
Rule # 2:
You are NOT ALLOWED to explain
ANYTHING unless someone messages you
and asks
Rule #3:
Only answer Yes or No(I am so gonna break this rule)
Q: Kissed someone on your top friends?
A: No
Q: Been arrested?
A: No
Q: Kissed someone you didn't like?
A: No, I already got problems kissing a girl I like
Q: You like someone?
A: Yes(sadly)
Q: Held a snake?
A: Nope... never had a chance to
Q: Been suspended from school?
A: Nope...
Q: Been fired from a job?
A: Nope
Q: Sang karaoke?
A: Yes... Those who asks me out for karaoke~ BEWARE
Q: Done something you told yourself
you wouldn't?
A: Every single darn day
Q: Laughed until you started crying?
A: Yes.... and it's every single darn day too
Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
A: No snow in SIngapore =(
Q: Kissed in the rain?
A: No
Q: Sang in the shower?
A: Yes
Q: Sat on a roof top?
A: Yea
Q: Been pushed into a pool with all
your clothes on?
A: Nope... I push the people... :P
Q: Broken a bone?
A: Nope
Q: Shaved your head?
A: NEVER
Q: Played a prank on someone?
A: Does acting gay to a guy count?
Q: Had/have a gym membership?
A: Nope...
Q: Made a girlfriend/boyfriend cry?
A: I plead guilty
Q: Shot a gun?
A: I shoot and there's no way I can type this
Q: Donated Blood?
A: Nope... scared of needles
Q: Had your heart broken?
A: Yes...
Q: Broken someone's heart?
A: Yes.........
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Who was your last?"
Just be 100% truthful
LAST PERSON.
1. You hung out with?
A: Colleagues at work
3. You were in a car with?
A: Church buddies
4. Went to the movies with?
A: Merv Yantz and Yuukz
5. Went to the mall with?
A: Merv Yantz and Yuukz
6. You talked on the phone?
A: Nick
7. Made you laugh?
A: LAUGHIN BUDDHA MUAHAHAHAHAHA
8. You hugged?
A: Nick(I AM NOT GAY)
10. You cried with?
A. Alone
WOULD YOU RATHER...?
1. Pierce your nose or tongue?
A. Ouch....
2. Be serious or be funny?
A: funny's good
3. Drink whole or skim milk?
A: Is there a difference?
4. Die in a fire or get shot?
A: if you meant how fast I go to the afterlife... I rather get shot
---------------------------------------
---------------------------------------
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...
1. Sun or moon?
A: moon
2. Winter or Fall?
A: Fall
3. Left or right?
A: Right
4. Sunny or rainy?
A: rainy
6. Where do you live?
A: Singapore
7. Favorite Song?
A: Creep by Radiohead
8. Do you want to get married?
A: I seriously have no idea but yes should be the answer for now
9. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut
it?
A: twirl
10. Where's 11 and 12?
A: Some dumb ass went to delete them.
13. Do You Cook?
A: Once in a rainbow colored moon
IN THE LAST 48 HOURS HAVE YOU...
1. Kissed someone?
A: Nope
2. Sang?
A: Yes Can't take my eyes of offf you~~~~~
3. Been hugged?
A: Yea.....I saved a guy and he hugged me
5. Danced Crazily?
A: Never
6. Cried?
A: No
7. Liked someone you can't have?
A: Well it seems that way at this point of time
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