Reflections

Pardon me for I have been "cold" to thee. Pardon me for being silent to thee. Pardon me for not looking into everyone of your eyes when we speak. Pardon me Pardon me. It is just the way I am. No one can change me but God if He is willing. It is a terminal illness within me that makes me look normal in front of the insane and insane in front of the normal. It is to the point that I make insanity seem normal through my insanity alone. Afflicted through birth this is all I remember. Not anyone I blame but myself. Not anything I blame. The blame is mine and only mine alone to bear. It's surely no physical death. But a mental and emotional one. What is a healthy body when the mind and spirit is sick?

I have nothing to say. My mind is just blank. Nothing in this world fills it. Only childish fantasies consisting of swords and magic. I am an outcast in your conversations. You are not like me and I am not like you all. It is not a matter of class. It is just a simple matter of differences.

Maybe it is just a fear within me. The fear to let people see the creature within this shell of a body of mine. The creature that holds my name in thrall. Angel or Devil I have no idea. It might be something else entirely for I have no idea. But we all have an idea since we are all sinners.

Even more is the fear to interact with people of the opposite gender! How much of an idiot I sound whenever I speak to any of them. It's not about any romantic relations! Nor is it about lust!!! It's just that I am shyed away at the sight of thee. A supposed other half of mankind. How much I wish I were like my peers. Daring and not tongue-ties. To look into their eyes and not shy away like me.

Again don't get me wrong. All of you I like. All of you I care. All of you I adore. All of you I love. I hold not grudge hatred nor sorrow against any of you. Or at least until now. But it is simply foreign. I am a foreigner in this country of love. Teach me my brothers and sisters this language of love. This language for which all of you comunicate. Teach me love!!! For I am a foreigner from a land of sorrow, lust, hatred, anger and unlove. I pray that I can learn thee and it is not too late.

Until a man meets his wife he is incomplete,

when he is finally marries he is finished